| | i still want to sleep with you... i think about it all the time. you probably had the kid... cute, i am sure congratulations. | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| nothing is pleasing me anymore
she's lost her touch hasn't she
where are the wishes and the kisses.
i lose my mind over her and she lost me
I HATE THIS SHIT! i hate you. i hate myself. i hate everything. i wantto make things stop. whats the point.
she calls me just to get mad. she calls me just to get annoyed. she calls me just to annoy. she calls me she calls me she calls me.... she doesnt call me. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| and i have no where else to go, so i am going. i have a car my guitar and a place. lets see if i make it there. if i don't make it then it is a sign. a sign i have been telling myself for so long now.
"don't fall in love sean. you've done it before and you have ruined it before."
"touche" i to ld my brain. "but really what do you know about me? i could have fixed it before. been happy before... and as i recall i have been happy before. it was the want and the drive to leave to move to ramble gamble and roll. it was my you telling me to explore."
so, i am moving i am exploring both in love and in life. i sound fucking lame. like a self help book.
she's not skinny. she loves her dogs more than me. and i am 5 years younger than her. they're all valid reasons why i should leave. more so she's been working late and tired all the time.
what the fuck?
i am young. stronger than ever. hornier than ever, and i still have the feeling to run away from anything that makes me happy.
really sean? GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!111 | | comments: Leave a comment |
| 'is this it?' i ask the plat of nachos.
'yes,'it replies'and whats more, this is all it will ever be.'
'impossible' how do you know?'
'i have seen it and this is it. as far as the eye can see there is nothing better. deal with it, join it, revel in it. nake money get a girl be what they expect you to be.'
'fuck that, the money and the girl are fine, but there's got to be the box man, the choice must be there to gamble.patricia lewis got her choice of the box and look where it got her.she's an icon.a superstar. the box could be freedom. old fashion freedom, like what mel gibson fought for in brave heart.'
'and it could be shackles. it could be shackles and have your name engraved on it. it could be death by car crash,legless by hijacking, heartless by heart break, cholesterol in your eggs, wind in your tunnel.'
'but thats the beauty of the box, you could swim in a deep clear pool with dolphins, or be trapped by two sharks in your bath at home.'
'and thats what you want?'
'yes!'
'but dont ask stupid questions about the way life pans out again.its dangerous. the truth is simple, but dangerous. it reveals all the bone, but could kill you in an hour. people all admit to subscribing to it but few pay for thier subscriptions.' | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | i still think about it... can i just see you with out clothes? i am pushing it. and i am pushing it. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i want it so bad. your beauty.your love and all in between. but i can't have you.
i'll be around somedays. and somedays ill look tempting and right. but i am not. and i will never be.
i love you. and though i say it don't read into it more than this ... i will always love you in the back of my heart. and though we both know it, no one should ever know, and we can never express it. its a lost treasure that only me and you know the value of. i don't believe in fate... but if i did you would know how to finish this thought. i want you to be happy where ever you are. i want you to look out into the distance and just see what you are. you are beautiful. your soul your love and i am sure your child will be too. remember it will be part of you. so give it the things you never had and what you always needed...
there are so few things i'll be able to tell you or will tell you if we ever see each other. just remember. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | maybe i shouldn't have stopped taking my medication | | comments: Leave a comment |
| still not satisfied.... hours in bed and i peel the label. closet full of close and i still wear rags. food on my plate but i am still hungry.
I STILL HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| is she what i want? i don't think so. i want to have those girls on the girls gone wild or those girls at the bar. the one that look too cool to even give me the time of day... i catch them staring from the corner of there eyes. i catch the girls i drive by taking long glances. i stare into the eyes of girls who walk by me at the stores and i can read them. they hink and they wonder. they say i touch them in certain ways. they say i make them feel comfortable but reach down in there souls and pull evenrything out... i dont see it. i dont see myself being that person that take its out of them. i want them but only for so long. i want them then i find out who they are. needy... why so needy? always beggin for my attention for my approval. i want to bed for theres. i want to tell them things they wouldn't think of me i want them to tell me things i'd never think of. i want to them to look sexy before and after sex. before and after the courting. before and after the marriage. she'll gain weight after i say be my girlfriend. more weight after the kid(s) she wont lose it. i'll get tired and start losing my hair. getting lazy. i'll have a belly and not be able to run half a mile. wont lift 10 pounds. i'll look at myself in disgust. i'll look at her and lose interest. her tits sagging her ass drooping her vagina loose from kids her love handles growing stomache comparing to mine. thighs with cellulite.... what a depressing thing. and i ask. why arent i single now? why arent i out makeing love tothe young the skinny?
i think this way every day i am in a relationship. i will never be satisfied. i will never be | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | HA HA HA AHAHA AH A HAHAH Ai want to die!!!!!!! i love killing myself!!!!!!!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | its funny how i feel this way. i want to be passed by now. please don't look at me because there are to many reason why you will not be able to love me. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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